thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
