They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
