I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
