My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
