I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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