I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
