She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
