ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So vagazzling was a success
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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