I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They took my balls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
