I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
