I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
