And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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