Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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