That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
