I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
