STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
