im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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