It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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