apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
