Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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