I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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