yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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