just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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