your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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