lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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