dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
