I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
