Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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