She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My vagina just recognized that song.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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