SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
