But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
