Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
