real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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