i would punch a child for taco bell
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
as a side note pls kill me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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