Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
