I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just threw up on my dentist
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
