some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
