kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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