i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sorry my hands just texted you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
