hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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