he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
