When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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