I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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