He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
