just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
