I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
