it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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