You made me cry and you don't even care
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
