Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
