i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
